There is a difference between “stress” and “busy-ness.” Stress is literally defined as “strain; tightness”. If you think of earthquakes, and California. An “earthquake-proof” building is one that was specifically designed to be able to withstand the stress of the shaking earth. Stress is the strain on the joints of the building, exerted by the pressure of the shaking ground.
Some buildings can withstand more stress than others.
So, when humans receive stress (emotional strain or emotional tightness), there is less space or ease for response. Like the stressed building joints, people can only withstand certain amounts of strain, or can only be so tight, before they break.
But that amount of “tolerated stress” changes for each person.
For some people, busy-ness (the amount of “down time” during a particular day or period) causes stress. And for others, their personality has a higher capacity to withstand busy-ness before stress occurs.
This is the biggest reason why we canNOT compare ourselves to other people.
Or, if we do, and we find ourselves different (may say “lacking” or “wanting”), we need to acknowledge that the reason others may have different capacity for stress (or busy-ness) is because they are literally different people. Not everyone is the same.
We have what I call different “plate sizes”. (Common metaphor.) The “plate” represents the fillable “dish” part (where you can put food) and then the non-fillable “lip” part (where you can spill over, but which is a margin of sorts to prevent unbalancing).
Plates range in size from 1-10, depending on how big the “dish” of the plate is, where you can put your “food” (or work). Some people literally have a size 1 or 2 plate. That means that their ability to handle a lot at the same time is significantly smaller than someone with a size 9 or 10 plate. That is why some people just “seem” to get more done. They actually have a higher capacity to get things done than other people do.
This is not bad or good. It just is.
If you imagine that you have a size 1-5 plate (handling a few things really excellently) and you are constantly trying to fit a size 7-plate’s worth of work/family/etc. on that plate, you’re too far into the lip of your plate. You’ve overfilled the dish part, where the work is easily balanced, and you’re edging toward the “lip” part, where you’re in danger of un-balancing the plate.
What happens when you un-balance completely?
Burnout.
But does busy-ness have anything to do with burnout?
Not for everyone.
Some people have bigger plates. They’re a size 9 or 10. They can handle more. If you try to make a 9 or 10 plate person only have enough for a 5 or 6 size person, they’re eventually going to be stressed by the lack of work because there’s so much space in the dish part of their plate, and they’re used to seeing only lip. Then their plate unbalances and they burn out.
So, even in burnout, not everyone is the same. Some of us will burn out because we’re unintentionally doing too little. Some of us will burn out because we’re unintentionally doing too much.
What’s the best?
To stop comparing ourselves to other people and thinking we “should” be doing what they are doing (or what they think we should do). Some of the size 8-10 people are being influenced by size 1-3 people and are chronically under-filling their plate. They will eventually over-fill out of desperation and burn out. Some of the size 1-3 people are being influenced by size 7-10 people and are chronically over-filling their plate.
More thoughts on burnout coming soon…