I know there are a lot of statistics that float around about how difficult adult behavioral change is, and as someone who’s been teaching this stuff for nearly a decade, let me put in a plug for changing the way you change.
Adult behavioral change is difficult because everything in your system is currently set up to support your current behavior. There are things you’re doing (like, say, checking FB first thing in the morning) that are so routine, they might even be habitual, or even addiction-level.
When you decide you want to change something, you are signing up for a campaign. You’re going to have to change things about your system you currently *like*. And *like* is an important word.
You may like not going to the gym because it means you’re going to get up early and lose precious sleep. But if you aren’t willing to change your night-time routines the night before, your system will require you to quit the change eventually.
You may *like* not changing your eating habits because it means you don’t have to think about what you’re eating. And for some of us, vigilance around food triggers some pretty serious destructive behaviors. So if we’re not set up with support for those, we’re only going to last so long before we return to our old ways.
Because we like our old ways.
We may not like the results. But we like the ways.
I did a post last year about moving the Mississippi river. About how adult behavioral change requires so much consistent work because you’re moving rivers of action in your head. And I still think (if you’ve done the 30 Days To Productivity emails already, you know what I mean), “moving the Mississippi” is an important mindset shift.
I have to not want the results of the behavior enough that I am willing to change things I like doing in order to choose the change.
For most of us, though, we are tired and stressed already. And we may not see how some of the things we like are causing that tiredness and that stress.
So I guess my question for you, as you’re thinking about what to quit, keep, and question for the new year, is…
Is what you like getting in the way of what you want?
Love you. I’m in the same place. It’s why I’m posting it. I need to narrow down to the “Just One Thing” change, and I need to sign up for the moving-the-Mississippi campaign. I know it will be hard. But I’m sick of trying to change all the things, and in the end, changing nothing because my system is set up for stasis.
In order to do that, I had to enlist support. I needed someone who was willing to let me complain about how hard this change will be. And it will be hard. And I needed someone who was in the same place, so I could support them as well. Support is absolutely key. Sure, willpower is key. But someone has to be there to catch you when you can’t catch yourself. And it can’t be someone you’re paying. None of us can afford to pay someone enough to support us the way we really need.
I want you to consider being vulnerable and enlisting support. Have a Pull Cord for Emergencies plan. Have a check-in plan. Know you’re signing up for the campaign.
Move the Mississippi. One shovel at a time.
You know I’m in the same place. Love you all.
– Becca
