I was on a podcast recently where we discussed my favorite romance novel, and the host ended up asking me some “why” questions which really got at the core of my heart.
I’m going to take the same concept we discussed on that podcast and apply it to Strengths.
Growing up, I was the odd one out in my family. Not in a bad way–my parents are incredible and my sister is the literal best–but just in a way that was very obvious. I was obsessed with the future. I was extremely pressure-prompted and undisciplined. I had my head in the clouds a lot (or my nose in a book). And I knew “one of these things was not like the others.”
I know many of you have felt this way, as well.
Because of a lot of outside factors (including being in the bottom 25% of my class even with a 3.25 GPA), I felt really dumb. Like. Uber dumb. Even though my IQ tested super high. My parents never made me feel stupid, but I made myself feel stupid because I couldn’t do what the other kids could do in terms of how much they liked regimented school. I loved learning, but not like that.
And I always wanted to do more important things than school work. I mean, you can see the signs of Sig/Dev/Arr/Indy in me from like a baby age.
I thought I was an idiot, that I was unmotivated, that I was going to struggle to succeed and make money and live on my own.
Enter: Strengths.
I grew up religious, so I never had a conversion experience, but Strengths was as close to a conversion experience as I can imagine happening. I walked into that room thinking one way about myself, and my coach helped me to imagine another story.
What if you’re not dumb? What if you’re just smart in different ways than you’ve seen modeled before?
What if you’re not lazy? What if you’re just externally motivated? (Hello, Sig?)
What if you’re not going to struggle to be successful in the way that your success will come? What if you’re going to be successful in a different way?
It is not overstating to say I walked out of that room a different person.
But what changed?
Had any of my behaviors changed? No.
My imagination changed.
How I saw myself and how I imagined myself changed. All the things I imagined I could do changed.
Imagination.
We never think about how the things we imagine dictate the world we live in. But that big mass of jelly between our ears controls the whole world. It’s not quite “how a man thinks, so is he,” but it’s more that what we let ourselves imagine determines how we live.
Before you imagined that thinking was good for you, you would shame yourself for it. (Especially if it was punished by others.)
Before you imagined that working hard was beneficial, you would shame yourself for not resting. (Especially if your family guilt-tripped you.)
Before you imagined that being externally motivated could make you work hard, you would try to find every way possible to force yourself to be internally motivated.
Before you imagined that closing your doors to new friendships could make your existing friendships stronger, you would shame yourself for not being more outgoing. (Or others would shame you for being so picky.)
Your. Imagination. Determines. Your. World.
It’s the reason that arts education is so important. Expanding our imagination.
It’s the reason that reading is so important. Entering a new world shaped by someone else where our imagination can roam.
It’s the reason that representation is so important. Being able to imagine that people who aren’t me (or who aren’t like me) are also heroic, good, complicated, worthy, respected, loved, whole, wanted.
It’s also the reason that we close off. We imagine people to be different than they really are.
It’s also the reason that we don’t take action. We imagine the consequences are graver than they really are.
It’s also the reason that we shame. We imagine the parts that talk to us or that shape our internal world are all logical and true and helpful.
It’s also the reason that we spiral. We imagine the future, and whether it’s accurate or not, we live there.
So I’m going to keep talking about imagination. And yes, I’m writing a book about this currently.
I want you to do a quick exercise with me.
Sit down, not facing a screen, and do the following.
Close your eyes. Think of your next writing session. And imagine yourself writing the next sentence. Or imagine yourself making that ad or that post. Or imagine yourself knowing the answer. Imagine yourself resting. Imagine yourself not picking up the phone tomorrow morning. Imagine yourself closing your ads dashboard. Imagine yourself shutting down email.
If you can’t extrapolate into the future, then remember the past. Remember the last time you wrote the next sentence. Remember the last time you made an ad or did a big ad spend. Remember the last time you knew which way to go in the plot. Etc.
We do have it in us to take those steps.
But we need to imagine it first. Just imagine.
Let’s make our imagination stop representing the times when we haven’t, and instead make it represent the time when we have or could.
Just pause and do that with me right now.
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