One of the biggest gifts of Strengths is the reminder that we’re not all the same, and we don’t all have the same needs. So when I say something, as a #2 Connectedness, I’m conscious that a #34 Connectedness person isn’t going to receive that in the same way. It’s part of how Strengths create empathetic response in us.
We learn about ourselves, we learn about others, and we acknowledge that when others are different from us, it’s a good thing and it makes our lives better and fuller. Difference isn’t something to fear. It’s something to relish.
But it also means we have to sacrifice sometimes, in order for others to get what they want or need.
(Some of you don’t need to sacrifice any more than you already do, so this is not for you if you’re already the one giving 100% and accommodating everyone else at cost to yourself. Don’t let yourself think you have to give up that one sliver of the thing you’ve asked for, for yourself. This is for someone else.)
If I am low Competition, and my best friend is high Competition, I may need to learn about the benefits of Competition so I can curtail my judgment of people who want to get/be better. I have to acknowledge that I might be ascribing motives to them that aren’t their own.
I have to be at least somewhat empathetic (not from an Empathy place, but from a care/compassion place) to them. Be willing to suspend my own judgment and question my own motives. Provide the security to myself that it’s ok to be myself, even if my self is different from them, and I don’t need to change either of us in order for us to coexist.
If I am low Empathy, and my partner is high Empathy, I may need to learn about the benefits of feeling others’ feelings so I can validate them and how they’re contributing to the world.
If I am low Consistency, and my business partner is high Consistency, I may need to learn about how too much customization hurts the group trajectory, and not everything can be about me having my needs met all the time. (And vice versa with high Consistency learning from low Consistency, the times when efficiency is not worth the sacrifice of individual autonomy.)
If I am high Connectedness, and my coworker is low Connectedness, I may need to sacrifice my need for mutuality, and acknowledge someone else’s autonomy, while affirming that I am still worthy and my generosity was still correct to offer, even if there are people who choose not to accept it.
If I am low Achiever, and my partner is high Achiever, I may need to sacrifice my wish that they would not work so hard, and acknowledge that their stress functions different to mine. I may need to do some work around my judgment about people who “work too much.” (Because judgment in many cases is self-protection. And you can make the choices that are best for you without having to judge other people as being wrong. It might be right for them.)
I could do a thousand of these.
And many of you who have done Strengths (for writing, especially, or for success) have mentioned that the benefits aren’t just personal. They’re almost always interpersonal. I genuinely believe that the validation you offer to someone when you agree to treat them as they deserve to be treated is the greatest gift you can offer another person.
You don’t have to be anything other than you are. And you are welcome here. And I will do what I can to make you know that you are welcome to be as you are at your best.
That’s what Strengths really says. You are right, just as you are.
An incredible gift to give. To make space for another human being in that way. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone had that liberty? That would be an amazing world.
– Becca
