I wish it would happen to me vs. I want to do it.

I wish it would happen to me vs. I want to do it.

There is an active difference in outcomes between those two statements. And as someone who has said both of them before, about different things, let me encourage you: you aren’t “one” or “the other” type of person in this scenario.

Everyone will have some things they want to do, and some things they wish would happen to them.

The key difference is your agency. There are some things you want so badly, you will make them happen. For some of us, those “things” are relational. They are peace and contentment and rest and happiness in our environment. We don’t see just how we make things happen, because it feels so normal to make those things happen.

And then there are other “things” that are harder to accomplish. Those are often the things we wish would happen. Like I wish I could garden. But I don’t want to garden. If I wanted it, I would be doing it.

But I want to do plenty of other things. So there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to garden.

Lately, though, there are things I want that have made me change my mind and want to garden. I’ve gone from wishing it would happen to wanting to make it happen, to making it happen. Not every thing will be like that. (Where we go from wishing to making.)

Some of us wish we had better relationships or deeper connections, but we don’t want to make them happen. We wish they would happen to us. So then I would ask, if this is something you really think you should be doing, is there a different way to motivate yourself to get it done? Could you use an Achiever Strength, for instance, to set tasks for yourself to accomplish that were specifically relational? If you like work, you make relationships feel like work, and then you’ll like them. (To Achievers, work is fun… so when I say “make it feel like work,” I mean, “make it fun” but translated for the Achievers.)

Some of us wish we had better physical health, but we don’t want to make it happen. When the environment changes (when we start to feel the effects of not exercising, for instance), we will probably change our motivation. But if you don’t want to wait for that to happen, then find a way to make physical health matter to something you do really want to do.

Rather than trying to change your motivations, work inside them. I think that’s all I’m saying.

I see so many of us struggling with expectations (“shoulds”) we put on ourselves that aren’t helpful. That we have to be doing things a certain way. Or that we should want outcomes others want. I want you to want what you want.

If you’re honoring the things you actually want, your life is going to feel more fulfilled in the end anyway. No matter what anyone else might tell you or think. Everything else is just survival.

And with that, back to writing. I just wanted to share with you all this morning. I want you to be well.