Self care is not happiness-production. (Trying to make as much joy as you can to anesthetize yourself against pain.) Self-care is battle for reality to prevail inside your psyche.
Self-care is reminding yourself that not everyone needs to like you. (For some of us.)
Self-care is making yourself a good meal, even when there’s no one to cook for, because you are worth cooking for. (For some of us.)
Self-care is telling yourself that your worth depends not on your accomplishments, but on your presence. (For some of us.)
Self-care is walking or running or biking when you don’t want to. (For some of us.)
Self-care is saying no to the work machine, even when it means, yes, you might get fewer points for good work, or make less money if you’re an entrepreneur. (For some of us.)
Self-care is taking days off social media, even when you think you have to stay. (For some of us.)
Self-care is listening to someone express pain without shutting down your empathy. (For some of us.)
Self-care is hearing someone say you are beautiful or handsome or important or successful and disagreeing with the liars inside telling you their words are empty. (For some of us.)
Self-care is living as though your time is valuable, even when everything in you wants to prioritize other people’s needs. (For some of us.)
Self-care is cutting out relationships that are toxic to your long-term health. (For some of us.)
All these things require courage. All these things require presence. And many of us have little of either lately. Just know you’re not alone in this.
But if you’re wondering why the bubble baths aren’t working… that’s why. Because the part of you that needs caring for isn’t the same part of you that gets fed from bubble baths or margaritas.
(Yes, bubble baths and margaritas make energy pennies. But the drains of energy pennies are so significant for some of us, none of the “addition” of pennies is working. So. This post is meant to provide a counter-point to that.) How many of us, when we looked at the Energy Pennies deck, immediately did the easy stuff (like take-a-nap-Kevin and put-your-toes-in-the-grass-Carol), but not the hard stuff (like “stop talking to that toxic person” or “pick up the phone and make that appointment”)?
I love you all, and I’m saying this as much (or more) to myself as to anyone else because doing actual self care is hard af (a huge thanks to Stef and Claire for the continued conversation about how to fight my battles here–I cannot tell you how beneficial the two of you have been for me in this area). It’s more like battle than fun-production.
But it’s so freakin’ worth it.
– Becca