Tell someone how much you love them and specifically what you love about them.
I’ve been editing the Energy book and am re-doing the practice of some of the exercises, and yesterday, I came across the “tell someone what you love about them” card.
I had a friend over yesterday who is a #1 Empathy, and just her presence in my house was like a balm, and I found myself telling her what a gift Empathy can be, as a way of trying to express gratitude for something I’d really needed. But I said, “Empathy is such a gift” instead of “you are such a gift,” and as I’m reflecting on the Energy Pennies work this morning, that gave me pause.
The vulnerability of saying, “you are a gift to me,” struck me.
It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that I think this deeply about things, but I’ve been ruminating on this now for most of yesterday and now again this morning as I pick the editing back up again.
It is extremely vulnerable to say, “I love you,” to someone. Or to say, “you are a gift to me,” to someone. And I find it very easy for me to call out the Strengths in the people I love, and talk about how amazing their actions and presence are as a gift to the world.
But wow, saying, “I love you and you are a gift to me”… that’s a scary thing.
I know I could say it to my sister or my mother at any time, and there’s no danger there. But even other members of my family, there’s some kind of “uh-oh” there. And certainly, to all my friends (only because we haven’t known each other as long as I’ve known my mother and sister).
Yet, when I gave the suggestion originally in the EP book, I know I did the practice–I did every penny when I wrote it–so I know I actually did this, but it does make me wonder if I took the safe route and said it to my mom or sister.
Anyway, I saw a video from one of the people I regularly follow yesterday that said, “when you feel like withdrawing, that’s the time for ‘I love you’ and when you feel like pulling away, that’s the time for connection.” It was a reminder that in an equal relationship, withdrawing affection or connection or love isn’t helping the relationship. It’s only protecting you.
I’ve spent a lot of years protecting myself from rejection and abandonment. And I’ve spent a lot of years withdrawing as a way of not getting hurt.
But that’s not the goal of the practice. The goal of the practice (especially of this particular card) is the growth of connection. That requires vulnerability, which means, you can hurt me. If I love you, and I am vulnerable with you, that means you can hurt me. And for many of us, that’s too dangerous a place to go.
So I’m not telling you to do anything different than you’re doing. Or encouraging anyone to do what I do. Just reflecting for thought.
I’m going to practice the card today. And as I dive back into the editing, I’m a little scared for how the book is going to keep hurting my feelings. But… I’ll get through it.
– Becca
