When people ask how to make Energy Pennies, I often find myself saying something along the lines of, “pay attention to what feels good” when we’re deciding what should be an energy penny for us. And someone challenged me on that this week, as we were discussing what would bring energy pennies for burnout.
If a person is deep in burnout, they can’t always know what feels good to them in a generative way, vs. what feels like numbing-out and hiding. What’s disassociating, and what’s actually generating energy to get out of burnout.
In fact, sometimes, the things that will help us get out of burnout faster aren’t particularly “positive” feeling. (Things like sunshine, exercise, boundaries.)
Yes, boundaries.
But when we do the burnout class, we spend a lot of time talking about how recovery from burnout requires more than just feeling good. It also requires the healthy resetting of some things we may have forgotten.
It often requires us to start seeing people again. Or it requires us to start exercising or walking outside or changing health decisions. Drinking more water. Cutting out sugary drinks. Things like that.
(Again, as always, not for everyone. But these are just some examples.)
So as I’m trying to do the Energy Pennies kickstarter cards, I’m finding myself differentiating between what “feels” good and WHY the thing feels good.
Does it feel good because it’s shutting down pain receptors? Sometimes pain receptors are there to help us change behavior, though. So not all shut-down or numb-out is good. (Sometimes, when we’re in the pittiest part of the pit, all we can do is numb, and that’s totally fine. But once we start getting onto the ladder out… are we really helping ourselves anymore by numbing out?)
Does it feel good because it’s giving you a completely empty form of dopamine that isn’t actually creating any more energy pennies? (Are you habitually going to social media, video games, food, etc, because it’s a memory of a good feeling, or is it actually producing long-term good feelings?) And specifically, have you tried doing other things instead, just to make sure you’re producing energy pennies and not just numbing out?
This is often the question, by the way. Have you tried it? Too often, we want to talk theoretically about “what will do X” when the answer I almost always have to give in coaching is, “go do this thing and tell me what happened, and then we can deal with the consequences.”
So, once you do the thing that feels good, we can ask, does it feel good because it’s keeping you in the burnout pit? (Are you afraid of returning to “normal” because normal was so damaging?) Sometimes, the activities that keep us in the pit feel comfortable, rather than generative, because comfortable means we don’t have to go back to the awful work.
Or… is it actually good for you? Is it helping you get out of the pit? Or is it keeping you there?
Being on the way out of burnout myself, I will admit, not all the things I’m doing to get out of burnout feel good. I’m modifying my eating again. I’m moving my body more. When I first start doing those things, they do not feel good. So “does it feel good” is not always the right question to ask. (At least, not for all of us.)
I just had one of the best energy-penny-producing experiences of my lifetime. My friends came into town before the conference and we spent some time just driving around and hanging out. The sheer number of energy pennies I got from showing hem what I love about living here… I cannot count. I’m still reaping the benefits of that.
I knew I was a social person. I knew I needed my friends around me. But I did’t want to ask them to come and spent time with me. That felt selfish. Yet when the first one messaged me, I almost cried. I had been neglecting my “spirit” pennies for too long. Asking for my friends to spend time with me did not feel good when it would cost them so much to do it. Now, though, my penny bank is so full.
This particular burnout has taught me a lot about myself. And as I’m aging, I realize, I can’t always rely on “will this feel good” as the only indicator. I have to also ask, “is it good for me to do this?” Because all too often, the things that are good for me that I don’t want to do, like asking for help, asking for my friends to be with me… those are the things that are the best for me.
To those of you who came in to Minneapolis early, and spent time with me, thank you. You have no idea how much I needed it. Getting lost on the way to Costco and needing my GPS to save us. (Thank you, Ryan.) Giving me a housewarming gift. Processing with me after the first day of the conference. Fixing my printer. Making me bacon. Napping on my couch while we watch football… they gave me a thousand Connectedness pennies. Just to be with people. It reminded me, I need to create that here (which will also be painful) and not just wait for people to come here when they have vacation time.
It did not feel good to ask for help.
It felt amazing to get help.
It does not feel good to detox from sugar.
It feels amazing to be in control of my food choices again.
It did not feel good to ask people to spend time with me.
It felt amazing to be with my friends.
So as we’re thinking about what makes energy pennies for us, sometimes the best pennies might be on the other side of a really hard thing… and also… it might be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself.
I believe in you. You can do it.
– Becca