Y’know what builds community?
Losing.
As a Vikings fan, there is no time I feel more close to other people in the Vikings-Nation than when we almost win. (I have a t-shirt that says, “We Almost Always Almost Win” with purple and gold lettering. I get more comments on that shirt when I wear it out than any other one.)
Difficulty. Disappointment. Loss. It reminds us of exactly how much we belong somewhere. It reminds us of who’s there for us, and who’s interested in our well being. Anyone can feel good when they’re winning, but feeling the sting of losing is an acute way to reveal your community.
You will never see a group with more veracity than a group who understands disappointment. And belonging is the third step in the Maslow’s needs.
I’m not saying, “be happy for the loss.” Zero chance I am doing that toxic thing. I’m saying, when you’re disappointed or when sales are down or when you lose the football game (maybe even over and over again), watch for the belonging that happens as a result of that.
Use the loss, use the disappointment, lean into your connections and let people help you. Let people remind you that we can be connected, even when the chips are down.
I go to the local cafe here, mornings after Vikings losses, and there is more emotion, more closeness, more vibing after losses than after wins. Never fails. Especially in a football season where the opportunities to win are fewer.
Connecting over winning can be fun. It can still provide community. But nothing strengthens community like the vulnerability we feel after we lose something that we’d hoped not to lose. But we hope not to lose because we think winning says something about us.
How we lose says so much more about us than how we win.
– Becca
