Probably the most common frustration I hear from authors who are highly driven is the “it’s not enough for me” or “I need it to happen faster” attitude, and I want to acknowledge how frustrating it is to want something to move more quickly than it does.
Especially for those of us cursed with the Activator impatience (faster, faster), the Futuristic impatience (I see it, why isn’t it happening yet), the Strategic impatience (but I’m doing it all right, why isn’t it happening the way it should), the Achiever impatience (but I already did the things, why am I not farther along), the Significance impatience (how am I not more important given the quality of my work), the Command impatience (why can’t I control these results), the Connectedness impatience (how can they not see how valuable or deep this is), just to name a few. They are hard to process.
But objectively, that desire is a good thing. The desire for things to happen or for progress to be made. They’re all good things.
Wishing for them to happen faster, though, can often make us make choices that will derail them happening at all, and as frustrating as it is, sometimes the best thing that can happen is that you soothe your frustration with the speed and let things progress at the speed they need to progress in order to honor the full process.
We can still be desirous of faster, and also accepting of the speed with which the future is coming at us.
How we do this, though, is not intuitive to a lot of us. We want to indulge the frustration with the slowness, assuming that will help us catalyze something or make it happen faster. But the reality is, what we most often need to do is the touch-ouch-soothe process so we don’t do something rash in our impatience.
When you have those moments, do me a favor, and do two things for me. (This is a Futuristic exercise specifically about the future, but it can work for multiple different Strengths that feel impatience.)
First, look around for evidence that you’re actually enjoying the moment. And if you’re not enjoying anything about the moment, create some kind of enjoyment in the moment. What can I do that would make me feel happy about being exactly where I am? The more joy pennies you can make about the moment, the better.
Some ideas:
- I’m able to connect with my friends over my impatience, which makes us closer.
- I’m able to still enjoy writing this book that I’m working on right now.
- I’m able to look outside my window and see a beautiful floating iceberg (this is my Alaska trip #joypenny for the day).
- I’m able to hug my child/spouse/family member/friend and get some comfort for this feeling.
- I’m able to listen to an inspiring song that reminds me the future is within my reach.
Something that is evidence that you’re still enjoying this moment. (It helps your brain feel calmer about what-you-want not happening right now, and is a very important part of allowing the future to unfold at the pace it unfolds.)
And two, look for the thing you can do in the present moment that will allow that future to happen. Rather than being frustrated the thing isn’t happening yet, focus on what is in my control right now that I can do to make it happen.
Some ideas:
- Get up and go for a walk.
- Get off social media.
- Open the manuscript.
- Do a social media post.
- Make a plan.
- Send a newsletter.
- Take a nap.
- Eat a healthy meal.
- Do one page of edits.
- Get off social media. (Did I say that twice? Oooops……)
Do those steps in order. We call that OTT (One Thing Today). What’s one thing you’re glad is happening in this moment, and one thing you can do to make the future come.
Focusing on the frustration will keep us in the stress loop. So let’s keep our focus off the stuff we can’t control. Not worth the focus of our time, and it will only make our experience worse.
Plus, and this is the most important thing, it WILL NOT make the future happen any faster. The only thing that makes it happen faster is to be present to the positive you feel, and to do something to execute in that direction.
The hard part is, it might not feel like it’s making an impact on the longer-term goal. And it might still make you feel afraid the thing won’t happen.
But if you know that you’re actually on the right path, it’s important to remind yourself of that. Especially when you are a person designed to think about the future, or designed to want more than what you have.
This set of skills is absolutely foundational to your life.
Practice this with me today.
Evidence that I’m enjoying the moment:
- I’m staying connected and present. I’m talking to all of you in a way I hope will be helpful, and I’m doing what I can do for the day.
- I’m in a fjord looking at waterfalls and icebergs.
One thing I can do to make the future happen:
- Write this post.
- Send the newsletter.
- Do my P-tr-n beginning of the month posts.
- Stay connected and don’t run away.
I know I can’t control the speed of the world any more than I can control the speed of this boat. And that’s not a bad thing. I’m grateful to not have to carry the world on my shoulders. So I will surrender to the process and let time work its magic.
And if I get hurt, I will survive it. I have survived it before.
Love to you all. Do this exercise with me if you have time.
– Becca
