In my personal development work, I’ve been reading this “step-by-step” book for how to deal with this fear I have of disappointing people or having people not like me. And I was struck by something.
I write in a five-year journal every day. Today’s date has one page, and there are spaces to write for five years’ worth of todays. Some of the days, I’ve had three years’ worth of “today’s reflection” and I genuinely cannot believe the growth, from year to year.
I’m not sure, if I hadn’t been intentionally focused on taking development action, every single day, whether I would be noticing this much growth or not. But I’m doing things that scare me every day. And I’m asking for help every day, even if it’s only in a little way.
Those actions have paid off in better-faster dividends like I just can’t believe. I’m reading back, two years ago today, and seeing things I remember struggling with that I just don’t struggle with anymore, because I did the work to get out of that place.
I know it’s a lot, and I know there’s a lot of work we all want to do. But as I sit with this “step-by-step” book and I think, it’s such a huge amount of work, and I’m not able to take action on this work every single day, because I’m doing other work, I have to stop myself and think… I can’t change everything that’s wrong with me today. And if I focus on trying to change all the things, I’m eventually not going to change anything.
Not changing all the things had been working for me, until I started reading this book. And I think I’m just a step behind where I need to be in order for this book to really help me. So I’m putting it down for awhile. I’m not there yet.
But I have made SO much progress. And I’m so happy for that progress. Being able to mark where I’ve been on this day every year has been a real blessing to me because it shows me in real time just how much I’ve changed.
I know it feels like “not a big deal” sometimes to do the little things, or to take small actions towards a large goal. But in a year, I want to be looking back at these feelings in the rearview mirror and being thankful to Past Becca for struggling through them.
So there’s an action point that I’ve been putting off for awhile because I know it’s going to be painful, and I think I’ve been using this step-by-step book to help me Input so I wouldn’t have to do the hard work of opening myself up again. My therapist reminded me yesterday that I’ve been doing a lot of hard things lately. It’s worth doing the hard things.
What about you? Is there anything you’ve been putting off because it’s too hard, or because you don’t think small steps make big progress?
– Becca
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