When a friend passed along a meme about collecting information (a tweet from someone who basically said, “you don’t have to know everything… hobbies shouldn’t stress you out”), my immediate response was sort of telling.
One of the most easy things in the world for me is collecting information. I’m a #1 Input (CliftonStrengths) so collecting info is like falling off a log. I google things at the same time that I’m talking about them. I have a strategy for how to find info faster for basically every searchable platform.
When I decide I need to know everything about a subject (either from an Input place, or a Learner place), it may look stressful to someone who doesn’t have those traits. But it’s the opposite of stress.
We are not actually a good judge of what stresses others out. You might feel (or read) stress in me when I’m learning, but it’s not the process of learning or gathering that stresses me out. Knowing is peace. Not knowing can sometimes be stress (although my Input development has helped me understand the value of missing out).
Some of you think that’s the weirdest thing in the world. And you should. What stresses me out doesn’t stress you out. And vice versa.
This is one of the reasons I love Strengths so much. Just the ability to understand where a particular stress is coming from, and why I might be feeling it… solves so many problems for me.
I no longer worry about my Achiever friends who want to work more than others might think they should. (Unless they’re burning out, which… sustainability is still key for me.) I no longer worry about my Empathy friends who want to validate people’s feelings and enter into their pain. I no longer worry about my Woo friends who want everyone to be happy or want everyone to like them. (Again, unless they know it’s unhealthy. But I’m not the person to decide that for them. All I can do is ask sustainability questions…)
I don’t worry about my Responsibility friends who want to make sure they meet their commitments. Or my Strategic friends who want to find the best pathway to something. Once they get to the place where they’ve either decided no more “seeking” is necessary, or they are forced to take action by external circumstances, they’ll get what they want.
Caveat, of course, not all desire-to-get-this-goal energy is good. If you’ve read any of Claire Taylor’s work on the Enneagram, you know you have to address the fear-this-won’t-happen energy, and make sure that’s not controlling you, because that’s not sustainable. But a desire-to-get-this-thing energy can still read like stress to the outside world.
But what stresses you out doesn’t stress me out.
I know not everyone has the ability to understand the individual motivations of Strengths of of Enneagram numbers, so I don’t expect anyone to have collected the amount of information that exists on the subject. But I can promise you, what looks like stress on the outside (and even what an Empathy person might assume is stress from the inside) is not always stress.
It doesn’t stress me out to speak to hundreds or thousands of people. It doesn’t stress me out to be faced with a giant learning curve. It doesn’t stress me out to know how much I don’t know. It doesn’t stress me out to question the premise of anything.
It does stress me out to know I can’t help someone (Input, 2Enn). It does stress me out to be silenced (Commun–especially when I silence myself). It does stress me out to not have endless energy to help everyone (Sig, 2Enn).
But now that I know those sources of stress, I can do so much more work developing them into what we call “balconies” or “mature” versions of those Strengths, or what the Enneagram would call the higher levels of health.
For instance, it no longer stresses me out to “not know” everything, because I’ve worked on my Input so much in the last 17 years, I know if there’s a way for me to know more in this life, I will. And if there isn’t, I will be ok. (Some of that is also Connectedness work.)
It no longer stresses me out to not have a bigger platform, because I know I take every opportunity I can, and I say not to a lot of opportunities that aren’t for me (Indy/Sig). And I can only help the people I can help (Conn). But that has taken a lot of inner work and development over the years.
But it’s really fascinating to me that what makes one person feel peaceful will make another person feel stress. So if you’re not doing the work to understand yourself, I do recommend you start. Claire has a project launching soon that you should probably check out, if you haven’t. Sustainability is the key.
Actual stress is not sustainable.
And now, I’m off to do some reading. I haven’t had enough Input/Learner time lately, and I can feel it.
– Becca